im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
