In the future we'll all be gay
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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