life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
