You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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