I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
