I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
