she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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