I met the friendliest cop last night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
