its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
