I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
