U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
