I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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