i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
