Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
