The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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