I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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