Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
