Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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