absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
