I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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