Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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