Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
