Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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