Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
