sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
