We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
