oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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