no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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