Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
