If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
