I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
