let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
