i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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