she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
