I am in a vortex of obligation.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
