I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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