She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm just crazy horny about you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
