I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
