apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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