I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
