I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
