We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
