So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
