Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
