did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Randomize
