...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
