i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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