shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
