Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
