Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
