i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
