i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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