I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
